Forty Things I Learned Before Turning 40: Lesson Seven
I’ve learnt to be mindful of the people you surround yourself with. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn explains it best, when he said “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Whether we like it or not, we are greatly influenced by those closest to us in our thinking, our habits, the way we act and behave. And this can be to our benefit or our detriment, depending on the type of people who you choose to be around. Professor Marc Brackett discusses in his book ‘Permission to Feel’ the concept of emotion contagion, where our emotions transfer from one person to another, both consciously and unconsciously. So we should seek those who help support the way we want to feel and become.
Motivational speaker, author and advisor, Charlie Tremendous Jones says, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today, except for the people you meet and the books you read.” For me, I feel like I am constantly changing and growing and believe that is what life is about. And the way I’ve done that is by putting myself amongst people who push me to become a better person, encourage me, challenge me, call me out, reign me in, pick me up when I’ve fallen and most importantly, those that are there to celebrate my victories. Some of the people that have helped shaped me into the person I am today aren’t necessarily still those that are closest to me today. This isn’t a good or bad thing I’ve realised, it’s just life.
One song that epitomises this sentiment is ‘For Good,’ from the musical Wicked. There are so many lyrics that I could share, but I feel the ones that speak to this the greatest are:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So, let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
By being my friend
Because I knew you
I have been changed
For good
I look back on my life and there have been people who’ve come and gone in my life, who still have the greatest impact on me. Teachers when I was a student myself, some who mentored me when I was studying to be one and in the early years of my career and even those that I’ve mentored myself, I have learnt from. My grandparents have been instrumental in shaping who I am from the youngest age and still to this day. There are friendships and relationships I’ve had at different phases of my life, who’ve taught me things, both good and bad about myself, that I’ll forever be grateful for. A quote that has stuck with me constantly over the years is, ‘people enter our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We only get disappointed when we try to force relationships beyond their purpose.’
It’s definitely been sad and disappointing over the years, saying goodbye to people who have had such an impact on my life, who sometimes just naturally drift away and others you have to make the tough decision to let go of because you know they aren’t contributing to your health, happiness and growth in a positive way. I’ve read so many quotes about this, but one I feel that sums it up best is from poet r.h.sin, “You’re gonna outgrow the friends who were secretly holding you back. You’re going to grow distant because you’re moving forward instead of standing still in THEIR comfort zone. You’re not losing friends. Your growth is just exposing the enemies you’ve befriended. Keep growing towards a better you.” Always the ‘ever-optimist’ that looks for the silver lining in all situations, I find comfort in knowing that, those friends who were once so close to me but have drifted away, have done so, in order for me to move forward to become the next best version of myself. If the people around you aren’t helping lift you up to become a better person and cheering for you the loudest, and encouraging you to succeed, it’s often time to find new people.
I know that I’m far from the end of my journey, but I have often reflected at different points of my life and expressed gratitude for the people who’ve contributed to the person I am and where I’m at today. Taylor Swift said it best in her acceptance speech for album of the year (1989) at the 2015 Grammy Awards, “Someday when you get where you’re going, you will look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you that put you there and that will be the greatest feeling in the world.”
