Forty Things I’ve Learnt Before Turning 40: Lesson Twenty-One
I learnt to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Most people would choose to live and stay in their comfort zone given the chance. It’s cozy and warm, predictable and safe, who wouldn’t want to reside there? What I have learnt is that, despite the pros listed above, it can also get boring, monotonous and a place where growth does not occur. The only way we can continue to grow and develop into better versions of ourselves, is outside that comfort zone, despite how unbearable and awkward it can feel.
It can be hard to take those first few steps outside the comfort zone; leaving behind a job, relationship, place that isn’t good for you or that you’ve outgrown. Delta Goodrem sings about this in ‘Keep Climbing’:
Packed my bags and I walk on foot
This was the time that I knew I should
There’s a fear in every step
And I still love where I just left
Two mountains, I’m caught in the middle
Can’t see the forest before the trees
This climb it breaks me a little
But the hope inside of me
That this lonely valley leads
To a bridge over troubled dreams
So much resonates with me in this song; that it’s ok to still love the place you are leaving, whether it’s a job, a person, a place, even when the need to depart is not on your own terms, what you wanted, or when things end badly. What I identify most with is the line about hope. Optimism is one of my core values, so during challenging and uncertain times, I am easily able to alleviate any fear by thinking that whatever the outcome, it’s going to be for the best. Heidi Priebe writes in one of her poignant lessons in her book ‘This Is Me Letting Go,’ “You have to have faith in the future, in the unknown, in the tomorrows and some days that will line up in ways you can’t possibly imagine from where you’re standing now.”
Sometimes it isn’t always possible to have the confidence to step forward and leave our comfort zone; and that is ok. As Morgan Harper Nichols says, “You do not have to be fearless. Doing it afraid is just as brave.” She continues, “The challenge of starting over is that we are not always ready to; we can only grow courage if we are willing to do it a little afraid.” Sometimes the bravest things I’ve done is taking those small steps forward, even when it terrified me. As Brene Brown says, you need to “lean into discomfort.” Her work on vulnerability often identifies the need to go beyond what’s comfortable. She says, “we need to cultivate the courage to be uncomfortable and to teach the people around us how to accept discomfort as a part of growth.” There is so much I love about her work, but one of the best pieces of advice I’ve taken on board is that “you can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.” Sometimes the right thing is hard to do, be it speaking up when you hear someone say something offensive, standing up to someone’s poor behaviour, having to deliver bad news or having a difficult conversation with someone; but the choice is either to do nothing (and stay in comfort) or be courageous and do something.
Taylor Swift sings about this in ‘it’s time to go’:
That old familiar body ache
The snaps from the same little breaks in my soul
I know when it’s time to go
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
So in those moments, where I’ve felt lost and uncertain, I’ve drawn strength from my optimism and the knowledge that growth is the reward of being courageous enough to step outside of the comfort zone. My default attitude is now hope + courage. A song that captures this sentiment is Lee Ann Womack’s ‘I Hope You Dance’:
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance…
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’,
