Forty Things I Learned Before Turning 40: Lesson Ten

I learnt that sometimes the wrong turn puts you on the right course. When I look back on my life, at the point I am right now, there’s no way I could have ever imagined that I would be where I am today. As a young boy who was petrified of speaking in front of his class, I can’t believe that I’ve spoken to crowds of a thousand people, delivered presentations at both national and international conferences. Starting out my teaching career as a Health & Physical Education and English teacher, I’ve since taught Geography, History, Drama, Film and TV, directed a school musical, ran a Glee club and am now working in the wellbeing space.

I truly believe that it’s all the ‘wrong turns’ that have led me to where I am today, but most importantly is that I’ve learnt to trust the twists and turns that life throws my direction. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and the things that you are doing that you think are leading you to your planned destination. I’ve experienced my fair share of setbacks, failures, rejections, closed doors (and some slammed shut abruptly), but I’m at a point in my life now, that I’ve also experienced enough moments which have set me on a new path that leads to bigger and better things. It’s not to say that those failures or rejections don’t hurt; of course they do, when you are working so hard to achieve a goal or a dream and you don’t quite reach it. But I’ve been able to shift my mindset more quickly to thinking about what the ‘next best thing’ is coming my way.

Matthew McConaughey sums it up best in his recent memoir, Greenlights when he writes — “The problems we face today eventually turn into blessings in the rearview mirror of life. In time, yesterday’s red light leads us to a greenlight. All destruction eventually leads to construction, all death eventually leads to birth, all pain eventually leads to pleasure. In this life or the next, what goes down will come up. It’s a matter of how we see the challenge in front of us and how we engage with it. Persist, pivot, or concede. It’s up to us, our choice every time.”

I remember growing up, getting up to some stupid, dumb stuff. It was never anything really bad, but I will never forget the feeling I got when I was caught out by my parents. Knowing that I had disappointed and let them down, was greater than any punishment that they could ever dish out. As Dermot Kennedy sings in Redemption, “Every wrong I did turned me to a better kid.” Do I wish that I could go back and not have done some of those stupid things growing up? Absolutely! But had they not have happened, I don’t think I would have grown up to have the values that I hold so dear today. Throughout life, I’ve continued to make wrong decisions, that will stay with me forever, but I’ve come to realise, that it’s not worth beating myself up over, as ultimately they have helped shape me into the person I am today. As Mandy Moore sings in Fifteen,

“No regrets, with a few exceptions
Every wrong turn was the right direction
Still a part of me”

Sometimes it’s out of our control when we might get set onto a new path. I’ve learnt to find comfort in the knowledge, that somehow not getting that job, getting dumped, missing that train, has actually prevented me from a fate worse than what I was expecting to gain. Beyonce sings it best in Best I Never Had,

“Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet”

And that’s how I try to approach setbacks that have been out of my hands. Thinking that those responsible for closing a door on me have missed out and I’ve made a fortunate path change, away from a bad fate and on course to something better. Candace Bushnall put the perfect words into Carrie Bradshaw’s mouth in Sex and the City, “Maybe mistakes are what make our fate… without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn’t fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go.”

Optimism and the belief that there is always a silver lining, are the things that have helped most in my attitude to setbacks in life. Having faith that wherever I land, is the best place for me, whether that’s from the choices I’ve made or others is important. In her song Intuition, Natalie Imbruglia sings

“Should have turned left
But I turned right
And I ended up here
And I feel alright”

It’s comforting to know that where I end up, is because of the right and wrong turns that I’ve made and they have ultimately shaped me and the path I’ve travelled on. The past is a collection of both good and bad. Taylor Swift summarises it best in her poem Why She Disappeared,

“without your past,
you could never have arrived-
so wondrously and brutally,
By design or some violent, exquisite happenstance
…here.”